Obsession with your future.

Time: 11:10 AM
Date: 25th February 2008

Almost everyone tries to figure our their future. “If only I knew exactly where I should be heading.” “I seem a little lost in terms of my direction”. Perhaps you’ve heard yourself or others make this class of statement.

We live in a culture where it is assumed that you should almost always know where you are going. Unsure about your future? Be prepared to have your character or even your sanity come into question. Without a goal many will perceive you as a ‘drifter’ or a ‘lost soul.’

Goals can be powerful but the truth is that there are crucial periods in everyone’s life — sometimes spanning years — where a future goal will take us backwards in our development.

When Louis V. Gerstner Jr. led the historic turn around of IBM in 1993, he was asked for his vision for the company. Louis’s reply “The last thing IBM needs right now is a vision.” Louis led the team to one of the most succesful turnarounds in corporate history.

Louis would not be pressured into forming a vision before it was a wise orientation. It was years before the new IBM future picture was formed and stated.

Joseph Campbell was the world renowned mythologist recruited by George Lucas to assist with the script writing of Star Wars. He tells us that, ‘The Hero’s Journey’ actually requires that we become lost.

He uses a metaphor of the Celtic knights to illuminate his point. The Celtic knights, in training, would be blindfolded on horseback and directed from a central clearing into the forest. They had to make their way deep into the forest and become completely lost before finding their way back out to the cleared start area.

If at any point they found themselves on a path cleared by another, the knights-to-be would have to return to the start area. They needed to begin the entire process all over again.

Now here’s the point: The blindfolded knights in training knew that getting lost was part of the process. They may have been lost in their outward direction but within themselves, because they knew the game, they were more inclined to not throw the towel in. They could remain centred.

Sometimes on the path it’s helpful to relax about not knowing where we are going. We can accept being lost as part of the mystery of life.

And if ‘being lost’ is a concept too difficult to stomach, perhaps we can tune into the lyrics of a song from Jana Stanfield, the United States born folk singer and song writer. “I am not lost. I am exploring”, goes the chorus to one of her popular songs.

Some years ago, I would ride daily up the elevator in our city office — and feel this uneasy feeling in my stomach. Eventually I had to admit to our small team what I was feeling, “I just can’t do this anymore. In my mind I wish I could — but sorry I just can’t stay here in this business.”

My business partner had recently moved overseas. Now with me deciding to leave, the teams’ personal futures within the company were highly uncertain.

I tried to put them at ease. I painted a glossy picture of how me leaving would be good for them. They didn’t seem convinced and for a good reason: The picture I painted never eventuated. The team lost their careers with the business. The small company with a big history was broken up into pieces.

But I had to honor my path and walk away. I followed my felt sense and stopped all of my work activities. I had no idea what my future work portfolio would look like. I also didn’t know when I would start working again.

The period after walking away was a very special time for me. Never before had I felt so free, light and open. I enjoyed Autumn wandering around Sydney parks, art galleries, churches, the state library and sat in cafes writing in my journal and reading.

One early morning I awoke dreaming the lyrics to the Dragon song, “Take me to the April sun in Cuba.”

It was early April and this dream prompted me to buy my ticket and travel to Cuba. I told my wife that I wanted to do the trip on my own. I ventured off to explore Mexico and Cuba. There was no itinerary and no accommodation booked. I had nobody to meet.

Things fell into place incredibly well on this trip and continued to do so afterwards. I made some major adjustments when I returned and recommenced my passion of assisting others. This time round I had far more to give than I previously possessed. I had a higher level of authenticity.

This period of walking away was a major personal triumph for me. As I departed, I knew what I was losing including control over my future.

I had no idea of what I stood to gain. Some people looked at me as if I had lost my mind. They urged me to hang onto what we had created and ‘tough out’ whatever I was unsettled with. But I had already tried that. I learned that resistance only intensifies the calling within.

Resisting a calling happens at different stages of everyone’s life. We rationalise ourselves into hanging onto what is familiar: Safe and boring career paths, lifeless relationships and destructive lifestyles.

Often it’s not only something external that we need to let go but also our mind-led obsession with our future. As Marianne Williamson, author of ‘A Return To Love’ says “The most liberating thing that can happen to a person is for them to become bored with their story.”

After the period of resistance which often spans years, we have a special opportunity. Reminding myself that my life passes by very quickly has helped me when this opportunity comes around. None of us want to be lying on our deathbed at the end of our life wondering what could have been if we had stepped up and taken those risks.

Everything won’t just turn out and fall into place without us having the courage to follow our inner conviction. Action is everything on the path.

Harold Kushner tells us in his book, “When all you’ve ever wanted isn’t enough.” that he has sat with hundreds of people in the final days of their life. He focusses on a restless minority to provide a warning. Tragically and sadly, it is as if they want “another chance at life” says the popular Rabbi.

This restless minority never walked away and let go when they had the opportunity.

Eckhart Tolle, the author of “The Power Of Now” didn’t fall into this trap. He walked away without completing his Harvard education and spent two years wandering around his home city, dropping deeper and deeper into the present moment.

He had no idea where he was going with his life. He now jokes that friends and family thought he had “lost it”.

Tolle became intensely present. Even strangers sensed he had something special. They began asking him for advice on spiritual matters and the intimate details of their lives. His vocation had unfolded organically, with no future goal. Today he is one of the most popular spiritual teachers and authors on the planet.

But what if we truly don’t know whether it is wiser right now to have a future goal or to relax into a mode of ‘exploring’ with no future aim? Well, if we are serious about getting the answer, it will come to us. We can look to our internal guidance or felt sense (eg. gut feeling), interpretation of our dreams, synchronicity or any other chosen path for listening to our deeper guidance.

All it takes is the willingness to really listen. And then we move forward and do our very best.

Any thoughts or feedback? You can email me personally or post a public response below.

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All the best!

Michael Dayes
Phone: 02 96532967
Mobile: 04 1234 2114
Postal: PO Box 788 Darlinghurst
NSW 1300 Australia
Appointment room: 26 Yarrara Road
Pennant Hills NSW 2120
www.michaeldayes.com
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Comments

[jenny wood]

Michael, you helped me on my survival path - here's my story -Having made that journey away from the "security" of a good and recular income, I invested three years to finding myself again after 40 years at work. Firstly having the luxury of no timetable - going out to breakfast every day in the sunshine, giving time to exercising my tired body, resting my exhausted brain. I suddenly started to see things I'd never noticed - simple things like the flowering trees in my neighbourhood, the other people who seemed to have their lives in balance out there taking time with their family etc. I had time to help my family as well when they needed me. After a time, I needed intellectual stimulation again and I chose to study for the first time in my life in the area of my passion. This was an extraordinary time of my life - meeting people with same interests, mainly younger than me. We formed great friendships, I excelled in my study and now work part time in that field.
To take that quantum leap out of the corporate world and investing much of my savings into having that time "saving myself" shows up as "wisdom" in this day and age - my friends and colleagues take inspiration from me when they need to make change - I have not come out the other end a "new" woman - just me really. Michael was one of the advisors I consulted along way - many people help me have the courage to make change but Michael you have always been a great inspiration to me and I thank you for being there.

[Michael Dayes]

Thanks Jenny, what a great story - thanks for sharing this. I've always been struck by your rare combination of humility, talent and generosity. I've really enjoyed the time we have spent working together.

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