Does The Universe Support Your Relationship?

This was posted at 12:05 AM
Date: Tuesday 8th July 2008

“My most important insight is that there are two different sources of learning: Learning from the experience of the past and learning from the future as it emerges.” Otto Scharmer. Theory U (2007).

“To know the patterns is subtle power. The subtle power moves all things and
has no name.” David Hawkins.  Power Vs Force (2002)

"In this game I make the rules.
I roll you like a ball and chase you
when I choose." Rumi

Recently a woman asked me what I thought made for a great committed relationship.

She was writing a column and gathering different perspectives. After some umming and ahing , I spluterred out, “If the universe doesn’t support a relationship, no amount of work can make it successful.” Then I confessed, “Like most principles, I learned this one the hard way!”

For twelve years I was in a committed relationship. One day, my partner came home from an overseas trip with the Young Entrepreneurs Organisation.

She walked into my study and told me “Mike, I want a break from our relationship.” I knew it was over. I stopped breathing. My throat clogged up as tears welled in my eyes. I looked behind me for a chair to slump into. 

Everything important to me—including my dreams for the future—depended on us being together. This was all crushed in one instant. I replied “x*&$@ Maria, we tried didn’t we.”

And tried we did. I looked up at the giant bookcase that contained dozens of books on successful relationships. They showed the wake of hard work behind this romantic partnership.

On the surface, it appeared to some people that we had a superb relationship. We shared a lot in common. We were both passionate about many things, ranging from self improvement and business through to family. There was mutual attraction. But deep down, the universe just wasn’t prepared to support our relationship.

Life had different — perhaps bigger — plans for both of us.   

Everybody has the ability to listen more deeply to what the universe does and does not support. All it takes is the ability to get a sense, an internal recognition and feel a “yes, I should pursue this,” or “No, I should not.”

For many people, this feeling or inner knowing level eventually creates a clarity of, “I can’t not do this.” Martin Buber says “And even this is not what we ought to do: rather… we cannot do otherwise.”

Sometimes those around us can sense better for us — especially if we’re lost in the fog of emotions.   

I only learned months after my breakup with Maria that my grandmother had predicted this years prior.

Repeatedly she frustrated my father by telling him, “They won’t stay together mate. They won’t get married. Sorry.” I had convinced myself that we had a great relationship that would last forever. My grandmother sensed below the appearance. She knew that ultimately the universe would not support this partnership moving forward. 

Some people say, “But what if I am not good at knowing what the universe supports and what it doesn’t?” Get good. It’s not that difficult. If you believe that there is a deeper current that moves all things—“the forces that be,” as my artist friend likes to call this — you’ll probably want to do what you can to align yourself.

Truly successful people are those exceptional people who are most in tune with the natural order. They don’t waste time on a path that is not backed by the deeper current that pervades all things. They sense the invisible force field on the planet — and plug into it. 

In one of my favourite recent movies, “Dan In Real Life,” Dan Burns (played by Steve Carell) falls in love with his brother’s girlfriend Marie (played by Juliette Binoche).

One day, Marie wakes up and tells her boyfriend, Mitch, that she just has to leave the relationship and that they need to find their “true soulmates.” Mitch is baffled. In his eyes they had a great relationship.

But his brother Dan is not so surprised — he is intuitively sensing below his brother's romantic love. Dan also knows that Marie connected with something greater in himself that she is missing with his younger brother.

The presence of romantic love is no guarantee the “forces that be” support a relationship. Romantic love is a powerful emotion. A ‘deep operating source’ (another term suggesting the universe’s support, borrowed from Otto Scharmer) does not drive these emotions.

In other words, someone can be feeling in love and supported by the universe to leave a romantic relationship. Conversely, someone can be not feeling in love and be guided and supported by the universe to stay and progress their relationship.

The tingly 'in love' feeling—which sometimes comes and eventually dissipates with time, as Scott Peck points out in his book "The Road Less Travelled" — is not the ultimate driver of success. The ultimate driver is the universe’s support.

Here are some strong decisions anybody can make to create greater alignment with these pervasive forces:

1. The decision to align your personal intentions with the actual purpose of the relationship. The actual purpose of the relationship: To facilitate greater spiritual growth of both parties. Spiritual growth is about increasing authenticity, joy, peace and power.

2. The decision to do your best to be an exceptional spiritual companion or leave the relationship. Don’t waste everybody's time being half hearted about it.

3. The decision to act from your centre as much as possible and accept that by doing so this will sometimes seriously challenge you and you partner. The weak alternative is to 'pussyfoot around', trying to make them happy — an approach that doesn’t work. The decision to act from your centre is the decision to act from your inner knowing. There is no more important skill in relationships.      

See you next month.

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Michael Dayes
Phone: 02 96532967
Mobile: 04 1234 2114
Postal: PO Box 788 Darlinghurst
NSW 1300 Australia
Appointment room: 26 Yarrara Road
Pennant Hills NSW 2120
www.michaeldayes.com
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