“Why would I want to attend a dialogue meeting? What can dialogue do for me?”
There’s no single right reason to attend a dialogue meeting.
Someone may come to dialogue with a particular issue that is weighing heavily on their mind. Or a painful problem that just doesn’t seem to go away.
A team may come to a dialogue meeting for greater connection (and/or performance) between the team members or for insight about a challenge that they face. A similar scenario could exist for a family or a couple.
Participants seek dialogue meetings for all kinds of reasons. Perhaps you’ve read the books (or heard about) David Bohm, Joe Jaworski, Otto Scharmer, Peter Senge - or another author on the topic - and you’d like to have a go at what these leaders are constantly talking about. Or you might have had an experience where a meeting or conversation went somewhere powerful. It gave you a taste of the possibility. You want more - you want to see where a conversation can go!
“Is it OK to have a dialogue meeting for improving performance or problem solving?”
Yes it is.
But here’s why people sometimes think it’s not OK: David Bohm, a leader in the field of dialogue, spoke of dialogue meetings (in a classic sense) not having a goal. No having any need for participants to make a decision on an issue. And as a result of this relaxing a requirement for decisions, “something else can emerge”, said Bohm.
This could be interpreted as Bohm suggesting that using dialogue for these purposes is inappropriate. I don’t interpret Bohm's teaching in this way. Bohm did speak of an underlying potential purpose at times of “collapsing boundaries” and people “thinking together” in dialogue.
I think Bohm was suggesting this: We should relax the need for anything to happen (for a while) in dialogue meetings. To free up the space, to just talk and remain open to various views.
I absolutely get that when we do this, something happen: Meetings have the capacity to become more creative, productive, powerful or meaningful. Lots of people have experienced this.
Problem solving and bettering performance is a big part of the world we live in. So by all means, come to a dialogue session with your problems or outcomes. Perhaps just place them in your back pocket for a while so they don’t get in the way of “something else” emerging.
“Do you need a professional facilitator for a dialogue meeting?”
No you don’t.
One or more team members (or participants) can lead the way with dialogue.
The advantage in having a professional facilitator is that she can focus on setting up and tracking the dialogue process. The participants are then freed up to participate within the process. Sometimes it’s not possible or even desirable to have an outsider facilitating. So like a lot of activities, working out which way to go, well, it’s a question of context.
“Why do you - and others talk - about dialogue emerging? Can’t you just do it?”
It would be nice if we could just switch into dialogue. Most people find however, with experience, that dialogue is a little bit like a flow state - or being “in the zone”. If you try too hard to make dialogue (or a flow state) happen, you lose it. And you can’t just always get there once you decide.
So instead of chasing after it, we lay the conditions for it to emerge. Kind of like a competitive basketballer might settle quietly on their own before their big game. They watch their breathing for a few minutes before joining their team huddle.
It’s more complicated than just saying to themselves “I’ll play in a flow state today”. They know that the conditions for a flow state need to be cultivated. So the basketballer attends to their pre performance process. They do the things that help enable a flow state to emerge. It’s exactly the same with dialogue.
“What’s an example of a dialogue meeting? What did people say? What happened? I’m not sure I get this!”
Here’s a really quick example of an informal dialogue meeting. It was a conversation I had many years ago with my coach when I was a disabled snow ski racer. The conversation only later two minutes.
I was skiing a training drill through a Giant Slalom course at Thredbo NSW Australia, when the new Australian Team coach, Steve Graham, was looking at my skiing for the first time. Down at the bottom of the course I skied over to Steve to get his feedback. The conversation went like this:
Me: Hey steve!
Steve: Daisy (my nickname)! Ummmm….. Arghhhhhhh…. Ummmm I’m not sure what I want to say about your skiing. Ummmmm…
Steve looked up at the course reflecting on what he saw then looked at the ground, then back up to the course.
Me: Oh OK!
Steve: I don’t know what I want to say about your skiing just yet… ummm so a question: Was that fun?
Me: Yeah for sure.
Steve: Yeah it looked like you were having fun… Ok we just keep doing the drills and keep having fun for now ok?
Me: OK Steve, no worries.
…
This might seem like a strange example for dialogue however I like it for a few reasons.
Let’s take a look at how this coach-with-skier conversation moved into dialogue pretty quickly:
Reason #1 this skier-and-coach meeting demonstrates dialogue:
Steve had at the time just privately coached Michael Milton to win four gold medals in the recent Paralympic Games. Everyone knew that he knew his stuff.
Despite this, Steve chose to say nothing about my skiing in that exchange. He didn’t have anything he really wanted to say. So he said nothing.
Reason #2 this skier-and-coach meeting demonstrates dialogue:
As Steve looked up the hill and ummed and ahhed next to me it seemed like he was trying to get a felt sense of something he wanted to say. It wasn’t clear for him. He had let go of the need to sound professional or decisive. One aspect of readiness for dialogue is about letting go of the need to present ourselves in any predetermined way.
Reason #3 this skier-and-coach meeting demonstrates dialogue:
I was open to the possibility of Steve not having any feedback. I was relaxed about his umming and ahhing and made no judgement about that. Plus, I was prepared to wait.
Reason #4 this skier-and-coach meeting demonstrates dialogue:
“Something else” emerged: My trust in Steve increased quickly. The last thing I wanted was somebody jumping to conclusions about what I needed to do with my skiing.
The next day, after watching me ski through a number of different courses Steve had some specific feedback on my skiing. Unsurprisingly, it was very helpful. By that stage, I was even more ready and eager to listen and act on it.
Interested in reading more on dialogue? Check out my recent article, What my favourite Batman film taught me about dialogue meetings.